Hello. I am new here. I found this place by searching on google for: I'm desperate and need help immediately. Here is my life. I am a married christian woman and I am a 34 years old. I am a mother of 3 children. 8 yrs old, 14 yrs old and one turning 16 in a few weeks.
This is the most difficult time in my life that I have ever been through.
I was recently diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer. I went to the ER one night for chest pains. They did an xray and found a huge tumor in my lung. I had never been so scared in my life. It was devastating. They hospitalized me for a week and ran all kinds of tests on me to diagnose the cancer and the extent of it. They did a biopsy and found out that it is an extremely rare form. As in they thought the diagnosis would be wrong. Apparently the odds of getting this type of cancer and in the way I had it present, I had better odds of winning the lottery than of getting this type. It was found in my lung, which isn't the usual primary spot for this type of cancer to be found as a primary lesion, it isn't lung cancer. It is usally only found there as it metastisises to 2nd - final stage. So they were shocked to say the least. Apparently some people, as in only an extremely small percentage of people, are genetically predisposed to getting this type of cancer. It is some form of genetic flaw. They told me that this type of cancer category makes up 1% of all cancers out there. The way it presented in me happens in 1% of the 1%. That is what I mean when I say rare! You can almostjust name the people that have had this cancer like this. They wanted it surgically removed and told us the best place would be at Northwestern in Chicago for us. That presented a lot more problems as in we couldn't afford to do all that. My husband was making good money and we had insurance, but nobody plans for this to happen. We couldn't afford to travel, so this was going to be difficult.
So another month and lots more test inbetween later. They told me that they found a second lesion, this one on the left front side of my skull bone, on my forehead over my eye. They had no idea what this was and thought it wasn't the same type as the other tumor. This is all they could tell us besides this one wasn't as life threatening at the moment as the first one they found. So we took all the money we had and some small donations from our community and fellow christian group brothers and sisters and on the wings of thousands of prayers and headed off to what I began referring to Chciago as was "My great Land of Oz". when I got to chicago they had set me up with a specialist to take a look at that 2nd lesion as well. He said it is an anomally, never seen anything like it in his life! That obviously wasn't comforting.
So I meet with the surgeon for the primary lesion and got things ready for the surgery and we headed back home to wait...more...while they make a plan of action. Then we get the surgery date set and off we go. Financially at this time we are barely hanging in there. And it is time to go back to the land of oz, so I go up for the surgery and I feel so Blessed. Blessed to have all of the prayers that took us there the first time and then again and blessed to be able to be there in the first place. Expecting a miracle from the great "wizard" Of my "OZ". Surgery goes off with lots of hitches. Had an artery cut during surgery and needed an entire blood transfusion, heart got off rythm during all of this and I now deal with that problem/additional medical cost as well. But I, was unbelievably lucky to still be alive. That...you can never complain about. Got home and saw my original Dr and found out I had developed blood clots on the trip home after surgery. Another week in the hospital while they got them under control. Once again, I was fortunate not to have died from those. Two in my lung and one in my leg.
As if the excitement and being overwhelmed doesn't stop there.. My father during all this is in the final stages of his cancer. My mother is going out of her mind with worry for the both of us. I mostly feel bad for her. I can't imagine what she is going through. It must be sheer agony. I have never been one to feel sorry for myself. I knew right from the start of all of this that God had a plan for all of this and that it was bigger than me!! So I know after all of this that with everything that happened I still have time left on this Earth, if not then any one of those things would have taken my life, let alone all of them together.
So we get back from the Land of Oz, tattered and torn, but still here to tell about it and that is what matters. The week we got back my husband lost his job do to major down-sizing. This was another devastating blow to say the least. My trying to live stress free so I could heal faster was going to be a huge obstacle at this point! My husband still hasn't found a job. We are about to lose his insurance as we can't afford to keep paying this huge amount to cobra with no real income to speak of. I can't work. If we lose our insurance I can just hang it up. As we won't be able to receive the care that I need for cancer and if I have to go through another bout with it wouldn't receive the type of care necessary to aggressively treat it which is the only way I would be able to beat it. I am so worried about this. It is also time for my first check ups after the surgery to make sure the cancer hasn't returned/spread. I have to do that every couple of months now for the next year. As this cancer is so aggressive that it can take your life in a matter of a month or two and we still aren't certain that they got the primary spot due to the fact that a lot of times it isn't ever found until it is too late, with this type, along with what I previously stated about this not being the usual primary spot for this cancer that we are dealing with. There is no way with our immediate financial emergencies that we can get back up to Chicago to see my doctors. I am going to have to do this locally for right now. But at this point can't even pay to go in and the time is beginning to tick away. We spent the last of what we had for food this week.
With my husband still not working we have been losing major ground on all of our financial obligations. Most serious and desperate is for our home. We are 3 months behind and are about to lose it. We just paid electric but everything else is about to be shut off, including internet. I know what most people think if someone is saying they are desperate financially and have the internet to say it on...But to us it will be another devastating blow as that is how my husband has been helping us get by with little bits here and there in side jobs. He is a programmer and needs the internet to do what little work he can get and to look for a permanent job. Most computer jobs you have to find online now a days and have email and internet.
So.. this is our situation I am not proud to say. I am never the type of person that asks for help. This entire ordeal has been trying for me in that way. I am Mom, so I am always the helper, the problem solver. Even for those outside of our home. I am always the one offering my help, until recently. I don't know what to do. I am so stressed. Tomorrow is D-day for our home. My daughter turns 16 in a few weeks and that is not what I wanted to get her for her 16th b-day, homelessness. My husband and I have been so stressed throughout so much of this, my entire family to be honest. We are barely hanging onto our marriage. Everybody, including myself was so afraid they might lose me. That threat is still something we have to try to face every day along with all of these other problems. All of this wears you down over time, even if you are just glad to still be here. You get to a point where you look and say why, so I can be so stressed that I get sicker and sicker or so I can keep watching my family stress and suffer? Doesn't sound like a sound enough reason to me. Feels like God has vanished, although I know in my heart he hasn't, and I still have faith.
I just see no way out of this downward spiral. I tried to go to bed earlier but laid there for a couple of hours adding up all of the money we owe in my head until I fell asleep then woke up realizing that even when I fell asleep I continued to do that. So, I got up and found this place.
My prayer is this: God, we aren't able to do anything with this mess we are in right now. But I know that you can and that you will provide for us. I have faith in you and have seen you work miracles in my life before. My life is one of your miracles. Please Love on us and bless us now with a good job for my husband, good health for me, my father, and my sister. Financial relief from our immediate financial burdens and for our families' financial burdens. Please give us peace in our hearts, minds and souls. Please help us to love and support one another the way we should. I can't carry these burdens any more...would you please carry them for me? Amen.
